Connie Carnes, M.S.
Licensed Professional Counselor
The Hearth Psychology and Counseling Center , LLC  

Huntsville , AL

256-880-8202   

ccarnes@knology.net

Traumatic Grief Related to Surviving Cancer

The Process of Grief

A life threatening disease such as cancer creates a process of grief in the survivor.  The survivor must deal with many changes and losses in their life created by the illness, the treatment, the recovery process and the inevitable changes in the family.    The process of grief follows a normal course, but is not the same for any two people.  Individuals experience stages of the process, but may go back and forth between the stages several times before reaching resolution.  The process may be described as:

Denial

Protest and Bargaining

Pain and Loss

Disorientation

Detachment

Resolution

Handling Anger

Feeling angry is a normal part of grief and loss.  Sometimes it can motivate us to take action, and sometimes it can damage our recovery if we hold onto it too long.  The best approach is to  look at the causes of our anger, and find out what we can do to manage it.

Coping

Here are some suggestions for coping with grief and loss related to surviving cancer.  These tips were derived from the website of the American Cancer Society.

•Be informed. Learn about your cancer, understand what you can do for your health now

•Express your feelings of fear, anger, or sadness. This is how we can let go 

–Talk to friends or family, other cancer survivors, or a counselor.

–Spend time sorting things out in private or journaling

•Look for the positive. Use  energy to focus on wellness in mind, body and spirit

•Don't blame yourself for cancer.

•You don't have to be upbeat all the time.  You can just go crawl into bed sometimes

•Find ways to help yourself relax such as prayer, meditation, yoga, massage, art

•Be as active as you can.

•Look at what you can control.

Being Connected

When all the treatment ends, survivors can feel alone.  We may feel cut off from other people, and our family and friends may not know how to help.  Some people may even be afraid of the disease, and we may feel we can’t relate to anyone who has not been through it.  It is ok to ask some of our medical care professionals if we can call sometimes.  Even if we never call, it feels good to know that we could.    Immersing in favorite hobbies or interests with others is another good way to connect.  It serves as a relief to forget about the illness and its aftermath, and focus on things entirely for pleasure.

Support Groups and Therapy

There are many cancer support groups, both local and internet based.  For many people it helps to be able to talk to people who have been through the same thing.  Support groups give you a chance to talk about your feelings and work through them with other people who have had similar experiences.  Be careful about any cancer information you get from the Internet, and check with your doctor before making any changes that are based on what you read.

A support group may not be right for everyone. For some people, hearing about others' problems can make them feel worse, and some people do not like to share their personal struggles with people they do not know very well.  Sometimes the natural process of grief goes on too long, and it can develop into more significant emotional distress, and even into serious depression.  In this case, it is important to seek the help of a trained therapist.

Consider an assessment for individual therapy

–If you do not want to talk in front of others

–If your emotional symptoms do not begin to taper off

–If you want to move the process along more smoothly

–If you want a personal customized approach to your issues.

At the end of the process of recovery, you will find a renewed sense of appreciation for life, and new ways of freshness toward the world. 

“I like living.  I have sometimes been wildly despairingly, acutely miserable, racked with sorrow, but through it all I still know quite certainly that just to be alive is a good thing”                   -Agatha Christie, English writer